The Real Fear of Going Home (Ancona, Italy, January 16, 2016)

After being diagnosis with metastatic breast cancer (aka this time it is going to kill me), I spent a couple of weeks looking at my options… and then carried on with life which meant flying (chemotherapy packed) to the tropical nation of Seychelles for a month long business trip.

On my way home I swung through Italy.

Now, as I prepare to return home, I realize, I am terrified of returning home.

Seychelles was long days of work, very few less than ten hours a day. And Seychelles was days of not talking about cancer.

My friend Kristin says I am not exactly ignoring cancer, because I am taking the shots and the medication.

But I realize for the most part, I have been hiding from it.

On Wednesday, I will have a nephew. My family's first of the next generation. A tearful reminder to me, that I will never have children.

On Thursday, I will have blood tests which will tell me how well this treatment is working…. How I am doing on buying time.

I may be alone in a hotel room in Italy, with not a friend nearby… but at least cancer is a world away.

That said, I could really use a friend like nothing else in this world, because.

I am terrified to go home.