Would it be in poor taste or passe to be Viagra for Halloween?
I need feedback please.
Wednesday, October 27, 2004
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
Proof God Is A Man
Day Three of Storm Watch 2004
*Third day of rain in October… my arc building is definitely behind.
Being that it is dry here something like 330 days a year, California often does not bother with things like storm drains or roads at an angle so rain runs off. Arguably the roads are intentionally lower so that rain will follow the roads and be just as miserable in traffic as we are.
We have had nearly three-fourths an inch of rain since Saturday. We are now in flash flood warning stages, honest. (See, our ground is as hard and impenetrable as concrete after six dry months curing in the California sun. So water is not absorbed into the ground where it falls. It just keeps running until it finds the ocean or nice rug, which ever comes first.)
Today my flash flood encounter was in a parking lot. The water was six inches high. There was no way around it. The choice was wait perhaps an hour in the parking lot or go through the water. I am impatient; waiting was only a nominal option. I began calculations. My car was going to drift in the water; there was no doubt about that. The question was how far my car would drift in this fast moving water before I made it through the other side. (If I drifted too far, a new Mercedes would stop me.) Plus, flooding my engine was a consideration in my car. End of story, everyone one lived, including the Mercedes. Point? Beats the shit out of me, but it has nothing to do with god being a guy, which is my point, hopefully soon.
At a different time today, I was on my way to an exam. No one called me all day. Therefore, I got two phone calls on the way out, and was now running comfortably on time, instead of early. (I would find out later, that my drive would be three times as long in slippery wet stuff, thereby making me just plain late.)
Now off the phone, I went fishing through a storage closet for my umbrella. I have not used an umbrella for nine months. My skills are admittedly rusty. But I thought it would be like a bike, and I would just open it up and it would work.
No. I had a fight with the umbrella. It looked like the umbrella was going to win, but in a stunning lose-lose maneuver, I broke the umbrella. Apparently I should have been practicing over the dry summer. I just used too much force to open it. I feel so incompetent. But they should have seminars.
OK…. So, at this point, I grab my raincoat. I bought my raincoat for $12 dollars in ‘97 used maybe 20 times since. Raincoats are for desperation. Otherwise you just don’t leave the house when it is raining (see earlier entries regarding the fear of melting).
-----------------
Italics is off point... imagine that. Skip if desired.
Another side note, I went to a University of California. I kid you not, I have had finals cancelled due to rain. While I am on the subject of exams, not even my teacher made it to my exam today due to rain. Of course, we still had to take the exam.
The exam had questions analogous to this: (Just choose one) A domesticated animal with four legs and a tail is: a) dog, b) cat, c) horse, d) rabbit.
(My point is arguably all could be considered the correct answer.)
An exact question (for those of you familiar with even the vaguest notions of network security): The goal when developing a(n) __________ is to define the organization's expectations for computer and network use. A) acceptable use policy, B) acceptable use plan, C) security use policy, D) security plan.
(If you care for an answer and explanation, comment on this entry.)
--------------------
The title of this entry regards god’s masculinity. A page later and I have yet to get there.
So, I am leaving my house, braving the conditions, unnerving and potentially deadly (have you seen a Californian drive in the rain?). I close my door to make a run for my car, without the umbrella lying dead on my living room floor and with the $12 raincoat from 1997.
Imagine, in slow motion, me, in a v-neck, turning under the eaves, as a wind suddenly stirs and brings down a spout of water, falling, falling, slipping between my collar and my skin, straight into my cleavage. Pooled there nicely between my breasts and apparently water absorbing bra.
My entire bra soaks quickly, much to some “heavenly” twelve-year-old boy’s overflowing laughing delight. (Amazing shot too, missed my head and my entire shirt.)
I had no time to change.
Thus, God must be a man.
*Third day of rain in October… my arc building is definitely behind.
Being that it is dry here something like 330 days a year, California often does not bother with things like storm drains or roads at an angle so rain runs off. Arguably the roads are intentionally lower so that rain will follow the roads and be just as miserable in traffic as we are.
We have had nearly three-fourths an inch of rain since Saturday. We are now in flash flood warning stages, honest. (See, our ground is as hard and impenetrable as concrete after six dry months curing in the California sun. So water is not absorbed into the ground where it falls. It just keeps running until it finds the ocean or nice rug, which ever comes first.)
Today my flash flood encounter was in a parking lot. The water was six inches high. There was no way around it. The choice was wait perhaps an hour in the parking lot or go through the water. I am impatient; waiting was only a nominal option. I began calculations. My car was going to drift in the water; there was no doubt about that. The question was how far my car would drift in this fast moving water before I made it through the other side. (If I drifted too far, a new Mercedes would stop me.) Plus, flooding my engine was a consideration in my car. End of story, everyone one lived, including the Mercedes. Point? Beats the shit out of me, but it has nothing to do with god being a guy, which is my point, hopefully soon.
At a different time today, I was on my way to an exam. No one called me all day. Therefore, I got two phone calls on the way out, and was now running comfortably on time, instead of early. (I would find out later, that my drive would be three times as long in slippery wet stuff, thereby making me just plain late.)
Now off the phone, I went fishing through a storage closet for my umbrella. I have not used an umbrella for nine months. My skills are admittedly rusty. But I thought it would be like a bike, and I would just open it up and it would work.
No. I had a fight with the umbrella. It looked like the umbrella was going to win, but in a stunning lose-lose maneuver, I broke the umbrella. Apparently I should have been practicing over the dry summer. I just used too much force to open it. I feel so incompetent. But they should have seminars.
OK…. So, at this point, I grab my raincoat. I bought my raincoat for $12 dollars in ‘97 used maybe 20 times since. Raincoats are for desperation. Otherwise you just don’t leave the house when it is raining (see earlier entries regarding the fear of melting).
-----------------
Italics is off point... imagine that. Skip if desired.
Another side note, I went to a University of California. I kid you not, I have had finals cancelled due to rain. While I am on the subject of exams, not even my teacher made it to my exam today due to rain. Of course, we still had to take the exam.
The exam had questions analogous to this: (Just choose one) A domesticated animal with four legs and a tail is: a) dog, b) cat, c) horse, d) rabbit.
(My point is arguably all could be considered the correct answer.)
An exact question (for those of you familiar with even the vaguest notions of network security): The goal when developing a(n) __________ is to define the organization's expectations for computer and network use. A) acceptable use policy, B) acceptable use plan, C) security use policy, D) security plan.
(If you care for an answer and explanation, comment on this entry.)
--------------------
The title of this entry regards god’s masculinity. A page later and I have yet to get there.
So, I am leaving my house, braving the conditions, unnerving and potentially deadly (have you seen a Californian drive in the rain?). I close my door to make a run for my car, without the umbrella lying dead on my living room floor and with the $12 raincoat from 1997.
Imagine, in slow motion, me, in a v-neck, turning under the eaves, as a wind suddenly stirs and brings down a spout of water, falling, falling, slipping between my collar and my skin, straight into my cleavage. Pooled there nicely between my breasts and apparently water absorbing bra.
My entire bra soaks quickly, much to some “heavenly” twelve-year-old boy’s overflowing laughing delight. (Amazing shot too, missed my head and my entire shirt.)
I had no time to change.
Thus, God must be a man.
Monday, October 18, 2004
SB to LA and Rain
I am in Santa Barbara County approaching the Ventura County line when the pouring rain relents into a drizzle and then it stops all together. The ground is still wet, until I get to the county line. In Ventura County, it is entirely dry. I had no idea the weather patterns observed political boundaries.
The last time it rained in Southern California was April 17, for those of you who don’t understand why rain is a very foreign concept for Californians. This is the sort of fact Storm Watch 2004 covers when we get an eighth of an inch of rain.
I am absolutely ecstatic about not having to spend time watering the lawn and garden with water shipped in from Utah, because California is a desert and we buy our water from other states and ship it here and then we complain about the quality. Yet when we get it the natural way, through precipitation, we totally freak out.
Anyway, about my trip, when you are driving 20 mph or 0 mph on the 101 in LA, you get bored and read a lot of vanity plates and bumper stickers.
License Plate of this Trip: “BSKT CS”
My favorite bumper sticker is still, “Why am I in this hand basket and where are we going?”
Do any other women out there blast their car heater to use it as a hairdryer when running late in the morning? The guy in the other lane thought I was crazy. (This was a zero mph moment. A lot of hair dressing and makeup application happens at 0 mph on the freeway.)
Hopefully I will write again soon. You never know. The rain may continue; we could get a whole half-inch and I am a bit behind on building my arc.
The last time it rained in Southern California was April 17, for those of you who don’t understand why rain is a very foreign concept for Californians. This is the sort of fact Storm Watch 2004 covers when we get an eighth of an inch of rain.
I am absolutely ecstatic about not having to spend time watering the lawn and garden with water shipped in from Utah, because California is a desert and we buy our water from other states and ship it here and then we complain about the quality. Yet when we get it the natural way, through precipitation, we totally freak out.
Anyway, about my trip, when you are driving 20 mph or 0 mph on the 101 in LA, you get bored and read a lot of vanity plates and bumper stickers.
License Plate of this Trip: “BSKT CS”
My favorite bumper sticker is still, “Why am I in this hand basket and where are we going?”
Do any other women out there blast their car heater to use it as a hairdryer when running late in the morning? The guy in the other lane thought I was crazy. (This was a zero mph moment. A lot of hair dressing and makeup application happens at 0 mph on the freeway.)
Hopefully I will write again soon. You never know. The rain may continue; we could get a whole half-inch and I am a bit behind on building my arc.
Sunday, October 17, 2004
Picked Up By The Gas Attendant
Benefits: Free gas! No small feat when the cheapest place in town is charging $2.45 for 87 octane.
Detriments: That slimy feeling that smells faintly like gas.
I guess I can bat my eyelashes a little for a $30 tank of gas.
Does that make me a gas whore?
Detriments: That slimy feeling that smells faintly like gas.
I guess I can bat my eyelashes a little for a $30 tank of gas.
Does that make me a gas whore?
Saturday, October 16, 2004
What IS that?
(entry dedicated to Krista)
I heard a noise.
Like a tick tick tick noise.
So I go wandering around my house trying to find it.
It is loudest by my aluminum wall mount heater.
"What is that?" I think. I couldn't figure out what that noise was. I look around the room trying to see if I have been misdirected toward the heater. Looking around the room, I notice the window, and something happening outside. Then it all comes together. My investigation is over, with a smile and some regional stupidity.
I am such a Californian.
It was rain!
RAIN!
You have to understand, in case you are not from California, it has not rained here since March.
Rain! What a kick?! I don't have to water my plants. I hope the roof doesn't leak. I hope the sunroof on my car is closed. I don't have to wash my car. Driving is going to be scary.
Rain! Like water falling from the sky, where there is no chubby eight year old with a hose involved.
Oh... wait... it has stopped, kid you not! Well that's it folks. That was our three and a half minutes of rain in October. No more rain until November.
Good thing too. I am going out tonight and I can't get wet. I might melt or something. I had an ex-boyfriend who swore to me I wouldn't melt.
(His exact words were, "You are not going to melt. You don't melt in the shower, do you?" What he didn't understand was I am a Californian. My shower water is filtered, softened and heated. Shower water is not like rain water. I mean it is not even made by Dannon or Arrowhead or Perrier. Californians can eat tofu, where it might kill people from other regions. Rain doesn't bother people from other regions, but it kills Californians every year.)
Anyway, I am taking every precaution until experts release empirical evidence.
-----
PS1 My heater has an aluminum exhaust tube to the roof, that is why it is so noisy when it rains, if you care.
PS2 I continued to screw around with my working dual boot. Now I can't get into either drive. That is going to be an annoying few hours to fix.
I heard a noise.
Like a tick tick tick noise.
So I go wandering around my house trying to find it.
It is loudest by my aluminum wall mount heater.
"What is that?" I think. I couldn't figure out what that noise was. I look around the room trying to see if I have been misdirected toward the heater. Looking around the room, I notice the window, and something happening outside. Then it all comes together. My investigation is over, with a smile and some regional stupidity.
I am such a Californian.
It was rain!
RAIN!
You have to understand, in case you are not from California, it has not rained here since March.
Rain! What a kick?! I don't have to water my plants. I hope the roof doesn't leak. I hope the sunroof on my car is closed. I don't have to wash my car. Driving is going to be scary.
Rain! Like water falling from the sky, where there is no chubby eight year old with a hose involved.
Oh... wait... it has stopped, kid you not! Well that's it folks. That was our three and a half minutes of rain in October. No more rain until November.
Good thing too. I am going out tonight and I can't get wet. I might melt or something. I had an ex-boyfriend who swore to me I wouldn't melt.
(His exact words were, "You are not going to melt. You don't melt in the shower, do you?" What he didn't understand was I am a Californian. My shower water is filtered, softened and heated. Shower water is not like rain water. I mean it is not even made by Dannon or Arrowhead or Perrier. Californians can eat tofu, where it might kill people from other regions. Rain doesn't bother people from other regions, but it kills Californians every year.)
Anyway, I am taking every precaution until experts release empirical evidence.
-----
PS1 My heater has an aluminum exhaust tube to the roof, that is why it is so noisy when it rains, if you care.
PS2 I continued to screw around with my working dual boot. Now I can't get into either drive. That is going to be an annoying few hours to fix.
Friday, October 15, 2004
Tested Positive
Sick, Disease = Geek
Cool: Knowing enough to setup a windows server and xp workstation, casually, while watching Friends.
Stupid: Being a drive short of the intended Red Hat installation. (Sean, Sean, where is my drive man? I need a drive fix. {Picture me slapping my elbow, drug addict style.})
Sick: Thinking this was a Friday night well spent.
(Also sick, the trail of computer parts and screwdrivers all over my bedroom floor.)
Stupid: Being a drive short of the intended Red Hat installation. (Sean, Sean, where is my drive man? I need a drive fix. {Picture me slapping my elbow, drug addict style.})
Sick: Thinking this was a Friday night well spent.
(Also sick, the trail of computer parts and screwdrivers all over my bedroom floor.)
Sunday, October 03, 2004
Pleasures of an Apple Tree
This summer, my apple tree blessed me with beauty and plenty in hundreds of mild green apples and laden branches adorned by healthy, bright green leaves. The canopy, a palette of greens, was all the more lively against the earthy red brick patio beneath.
At night, the moonlight sneaking past my blinds, I lie in bed. In the warmth and safety of my bed, my consciousness fading, I hear the occasional hard, heavy apple bounce onto the red bricks below. A quiet midnight thump joining me with nature, where everything makes sense, everything in the world is true and good, and a moment of Zen experienced unsought.
The tree ready and giving, I choose my first mild green, slightly yellow, blushing red apple. I washed the hard apple beneath cold water and inspected the apple. I was not sure whether the apple was ripe. I steeled myself, prepared for a bitter mealy, terrible apple.
I crunched into my apple and naturally chewed. The apple bubbled over with sweet, delightful flavor. The apple was wonderful.
My apple tree is a beautiful canopy of green that makes home home, a lovely reminder in the middle of the night that the world is good and true, and offers me wonderful delicious gifts.
I love my apple tree.
Now once I get it to convert, it will be a match made in heaven.
;)
In other words, my apple tree is cool.
At night, the moonlight sneaking past my blinds, I lie in bed. In the warmth and safety of my bed, my consciousness fading, I hear the occasional hard, heavy apple bounce onto the red bricks below. A quiet midnight thump joining me with nature, where everything makes sense, everything in the world is true and good, and a moment of Zen experienced unsought.
The tree ready and giving, I choose my first mild green, slightly yellow, blushing red apple. I washed the hard apple beneath cold water and inspected the apple. I was not sure whether the apple was ripe. I steeled myself, prepared for a bitter mealy, terrible apple.
I crunched into my apple and naturally chewed. The apple bubbled over with sweet, delightful flavor. The apple was wonderful.
My apple tree is a beautiful canopy of green that makes home home, a lovely reminder in the middle of the night that the world is good and true, and offers me wonderful delicious gifts.
I love my apple tree.
Now once I get it to convert, it will be a match made in heaven.
;)
In other words, my apple tree is cool.
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